UPDATE.

WOAH!!! It has been almost a MONTH since I have posted anything on here. I have just been so busy with life, work & SCHOOL... more on ALL of that later on. I tried (& failed) at the blogger "30 day challenge." I guess I am just not one to follow the mold. I promise to post more often on here, especially since Christmas is fast approaching & there is much I need to tell you guys! I will start by saying that Thanksgiving came and went like a hurricane. Our house is already "Christmas-fied." We go all out... I will post pictures in another post.

I put up my little white Christmas tree tonight. It is so adorable with its lime green [my FAVORITE color], turquoise & silver, sparkly ornaments on it. My mom bought me some heels for it & I bought some keys & other goodies tonight. I am definitely one of those people who finishes all of their shopping before Thanksgiving comes around. All of my presents are wrapped & ready to go! 

About a week ago, I had a meeting with the admissions department at Paul Mitchell The School Memphis & let me just say OH MY COW I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!!! I have to send in my headshots, copies of i.d. & $500. The kit I get is AMAZING! I took a tour of the school & I really feel like that is where I am supposed to be. I will start my first semester on Jan. 11... tuesday-saturday 8:00-5:00... As a result, I will probably forfeit my job as a fountain at Sonic & just work my wonderful jewelry business. That is all I can really think about right now, but I am going to post more later on this week. 

SHINY TINSEL & SPARKLY ORNAMENTS,

B.

Day seven.

FAVORITE MOVIES.

• The Hangover.
• All of the Toy Story movies.
• The Little Mermaid.
• Legally Blonde.
• Elf.
• Up Syndrome.
• Real Women Have Curves.
• Inglorious Basterds.
• The Collector.
• Chicago.
• The Dark Knight.
• Black Hawk Down.
• Borat.
• Little Miss Sunshine.
• I Am Sam.
• The Other Sister.

I don't really watch a whole lot of movies, but when I do, I watch them over & over & over. I don't generally like "chick flicks" but, there are a few. What are your "holy grail" movies?

Day 6.

A Picture That Makes You Happy.

Day 5.

Ok, I feel so behind in this blogging challenge, so I am going to do a few days today... I also got off work early, it's rainy & cold & I am super bored :]

The Siblings.

This is Michael. He is the middle child. He is 18 years old & is a senior in high school. He wants to join the Army after he graduates. Me & him get along the best considering we are only 2 years apart. Alot of people even ask us if we are twins. We are alot alike, in the fact that we both have MAJOR attitudes & are very blunt and opinionated. I love him.. even though he teases me about my shoes & driving. We are the two who will play pranks on the rest of the family. We can tell each other secrets & pick on Nathan & at the end of the day, I feel like I'm closest to him.

This is Nathan. As you can tell, he is kind of the oddball of the family. We all have the same parents, but Nate definitely got the recessive genes. He was born when I was 8. There is a pretty big leap in the age difference between me & him. He is the annoying one to me. We do get along, whenever Michael isn't around. I pick on him & tease him, but I really do love and care about him and Michael & I don't know what I would do withou either of them.

Day 4.

Meet The Parents.

This is my mom, Camelya. Her & my dad are divorced, so I live with her & my step-dad, Jeff. I love my mom so much!! We have gone through so much in the past few years & she is our family's rock. Me & my brothers look up to her because she stayed so strong when my dad walked out & when other things just go wrong. I could never put into words exactly how much I love her, but I can truly say she is more than my mom, she is my best friend. Even though we fight like sisters, she is always there giving her opinion [even when I don't want it :] ] & helping me get by on this journey called life.

DAY THREE.

First True Love.

First of all, I want to start by saying I believe your first TRUE love will be your LAST true love. I can say I have thought I was in love before... for a really long time, actually, but I think I liked the idea of being in love more than I actually loved him. I felt like I needed a boyfriend to "fit in." Now I realize that I don't need a boyfriend. Would I like one, sure, but not just to have one. For 4 years, I thought I was madly in love with a boy 2 years older than me. He was a southern boy with a deep voice & many flaws [which I chose to ignore.] Our relationship ultimately came to an end about a year ago. I am not one to break up & get back together, so that was that. Once I knew he was talking to somebody else, that surprisingly made it SO easy for me to forget him. I feel like I loved him, but it wasn't TRUE love... it was more like puppy love. I believe that when I find "him" I will not be able to describe the kind of love I get from him. He will be the one I marry, the one I spend the rest of my life with, the one I sit on the front porch in rocking chairs with. I won't be able to get over just how much I love him. When that day comes, I will be the happiest girl in the world & you guys will definitely know about it.

 hugs-kisses & love

What's In A Name?

Day 2 of the 30-day Blog Challenge.

When I first set up my blogger, I filled everything out, personalized everything & even put up my header & background before I came up with my blog name. "Meaningful Nonsense" is the name that really struck a chord with me. I love oxymorons. Call me an English nerd all you want, but I really find it interesting that so many sayings we use everyday completely conflict each other. For instance, pretty ugly. So I knew I needed something different. When I think of blogs, I think of meaningful stories of everyday lives of bloggers. The nonsense comes into play because if you know me, I am really really random. I like to say off the wall things just to get a laugh, or to make somebody laugh. That is one of my favorite things to do, make people laugh. So, it only made sense to put meaningful & nonsense together. I feel like it personifies my personality-- serious & fun all at the same time.

Day 1. BC.

WOW, it has been a LONG time since my last post! Sorry about that. I was browsing my blogs I follow & came across my friend, Tiffany's blog & it is a thirty day blog challenge. It seems really interesting & fun, so I am going to be starting that & maybe throwing in some other random blogs here & there. Here goes SOMETHIN'.

Day One: Recent Picture. Introduce Yourself. 15 facts. 

 This is me & my friend Blaire at work.

I work at Sonic Drive-In & have for 4 years now. I am starting at Paul Mitchell in the spring. I absolutely love all things fashion/beauty related. I love my life.

1. I moved to Memphis in 2001.. & I really don't hate it too much anymore, but I would much rather be in St.Louis. 
2. I am in LOVE with the St.Louis Cardinals. Yadi is truly a hottie :]
3. I hate disorganization, unless it is my own.
4. I have a serious addiction.. to shopping. I could literally shop all day, every day. I love it so much!
5. If you tell me I can't do something, I will do it, on time & better than you could have done it. I am VERY stubborn.
6. I hate being wrong.
7. I hate when I'm right & somebody tells me I'm wrong even more.
8. I already have my wedding dress, colors & bridesmaids dresses picked out in my head.. [I am single & do not even like anybody right now.]
9. I love being a Christian & I am truly blessed beyond ALL measure.
10. I think hoodies, Old Navy jeans & big sunglasses are the perfect ingredients for a perfect day.
11. I have clothes & shoes in my closet that I have never worn.
12. I cannot bite my tongue. Why is it that when we are younger they teach us not to lie, but when we grow older, they teach us to bite our tongues?? Nobody can ever say I'm not honest.
13. I cannot lie to save my soul. So, if I tell you something, you should believe it, unless the huge grin appears on my face & my eyebrows raise... or so I'm told.
14. I consider myself to be very creative, in many areas, but I get bored easily with things, push them aside, then fall in love with them all over again.
15. I love the friends that I have. Loyal friends are few & far between. Yes, we all may have our fights & disagreements, but in the end, the fact that we are all still there for each other & we can laugh & cry with each other means the world to me. I love you guys more than you will ever know.

COUCH POTATO.

As I sit here, windows open, hot chocolate in hand, sweats on, dvr playing my favorite shows, I realized I have a few shows that i follow hardcore. Here they are, weird as they may be.

DEXTER.

I never watched this, until we got ATT U-VERSE. It had the first season on demand, I had one week when I just had nothing to do at all, so I decided I would just check this out. I fell in love with Mr. Dexter Morgan. This show is really gory, but really funny at the same time. This is not for those who don't like the sight of blood. It reminds me of criminal minds, but more twisted. There are m plot twists than any show I have ever seen before & more suspense than I have ever heard of. I highly recommend it for people who like crime shows, for REAL!

SAY YES TO THE DRESS: BIG BLISS.

Say yes to the dress itself is an amazing show... Big Bliss takes it to a whole other level. It genuinely gives me hope and makes me feel so good about my good ole TLC. TLC is where I find alot of my favorite shows, because they truly have something for everyone!!! Wedding shows, in particular are a huge hit right now & this one is the cream of the crop, for me. I cannot wait until Friday comes & I get to catch up on what my ladies [& gentleman] are doing at Kleinfeld's.

LOCKUP.

Call me crazy, but this show rocks. If you haven't ever seen it before, it comes on MSNBC & it basically just gives an insiders look at the lives of criminals and corrections officers in state prisons. The things that these people have done & continue to do blows my mind. I am completely and utterly intrigued by criminals, because I just don't understand how people do the things they do.  Call me a freak, but it is so interesting to me & this show just shows you what the consequences are for the guys, all be it slaps on the wrists most of the time, but it is really interesting.

WORLD OF JENKS.

This guy is a total inspiration. He embraces the lives of the people he follows for a week. By the end of the time he is with his current friend, he truly cares about them like they have known each other for years. He follows very diverse people in their everyday lives. It gives us a view into the lives of people that we may not see on a day to day basis. It is an eye-opening show that is so worth your time watching.

Happy Tivoing, Folks.

FASHIONISTA FRIDAY... A FEW DAYS LATE. :]

Ok, I guess I should begin by stating that USUAL fashionista Fridays will consist more of beauty products & what not. HOWEVER, this is really something I feel like I need to vent about, seeing as I live it first hand & just need to get a few things off of my plus-sized chest. :D

"Big Is Beautiful"

The headline above is what I have heard repeatedly in my short 20 years. I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I guess struggled with isn't the right term... had a higher weight than most of those around me?? Maybe that's a better way of phrasing it, maybe not. What I mean, though, is that I don't like to let my weight defeat me. I am beautiful, plus or minus 30 lbs. I have chosen to embrace my weight. I have come to terms with the fact that I will NEVER be a size 2... I am TOTALLY ok with that. Who wants to live in a world where everybody is a string bean? NOT ME. I am surrounded by girls who are smaller than me constantly, but I, inlike alot of bigger girls I know, do not choose to let it get me down. Would I have a bf if I were skinny, perhaps, but I will get to that later. Would I be healthier, sure, maybe a little bit, but as far as that's concerned, I am fine. Would I find more clothes???... I will get to THAT later, also. This is going to be a longer post, so bear with me, peeps, and buckle in for a plus size ride.

Let me get down to the "boyfriend" question...

My philosophy is that I don't want a bf who wont accept me at my heaviest. If he won't accept me how I am now, then he sure doesn't deserve me at a skinnier weight. I have been the same weight for about 5 years. It is easy for me to lose weight, but I kind of want somebody to accept me like this. Call me crazy, but I know there is somebody out there looking for a beautiful, fluffy, brunette, just waiting to love her for her and nothing less.

The clothes issue...

If you are a plus size girl who gets defeated when she tries on clothes at a "normal" store and they never fit you no matter what you do or what size you try on, have no fear, there IS hope! [but it is a pain in the FAT to figure out where you will get the most bang for your buck] I have been to that place where you DREAD shopping for clothes because you KNOW they wont have cute stuff for you. The hardest part about being bigger, is being inventive. For instance, I have a TON of cardigans-- I HATE my arms, but with cardigans, I can buy the cute little tanks, pair them with a cardi & look ADORABLE. The first problem with fluffy girl clothing stores is that most of them are either WAY too expensive, or WAY too "trendy." Lane Bryant, for example, sometimes has great items, but 90 DOLLARS FOR A DRESS...REALLY?? Let me just say this, there is NO friggin way that an extra yard of fabric costs 70 more dollars than a size 10!!! AND IM NOT PAYING THAT MUCH FOR A DRESS!!! The next problem is that the clothes are generally either too old looking, or aimed at a younger demographic. There isn't a whole lot for girls my age... But I, being the fashionista that I like to consider myself, have found my holy grails for clothing/shoes/accessories.

Cato. I cannot say enough about this place. If you have never been, go! The have something for everyone. From young girls, to teens, to plus sized women. The shoes are fabulous, the jewelry is cheap and beautiful, and they even have home accents. I have a closet full of "Cato Clearance." I always find something on the clearance rack. They get new items all the time, and put the old on clearance. It is an amazing store, and I highly recommend it to women of all ages & shapes!

Old Navy [ONLINE]

Now, I can shop at the store, but online, Old Navy has a huge plus sized selection. The sizes go from sizes 16-30, I believe. And they even go up to a 3x in the tops. They constantly have sales & deals on shipping. The one thing I love about Old Navy more than anything else is their jeans, "sweethearts" or "bootlegs" to be exact. I have really short legs, but I'm really stout. These jeans have the perfect amount of stretch, without falling off of you by the end of the day & for gals with shorter legs, they don't drag the ground, HALLELUJAH!!! 

 Ross Dress For Less.

Now, some fashionistas don't like to dig through racks of sometimes unorganized clothes, but here, I promise you it is worth it! This is my holy grail for dresses. Their summer dress selection is unbeatable. The most I have ever paid for a dress at Ross is maybe 20 dollars? With prices like these, I rarely ever leave with just one dress. The sizes range from 0-28 ( & everywhere in between.) Yes, it sucks having to be inventive sometimes, but with a little time & effort, you can look just as fashion forward as your "normal" sized friends.

I hate when friends, who are significantly smaller than me complain about not being able to find anything to wear. Now I understand if you're not a shopper, but EVERY girl can look good with a little help from stores like those above. I have to shop around longer than most of my other friends, yes, but in the end it is so rewarding when you find an outfit that just makes you feel like a million bucks. Whether you are going to church, a wedding, a job interview, or just running up the street to Wally World, try to put your best foot, face and outfit forward. First impressions are everything & fluffy girls just have to work that much harder to leave an imprint on somebody's impression. I know this blog has been way random & maybe not something you wanted to read, but it was my rant, fabulous & frugal at the same time :]. The moral of the story is; One size DOESN'T fit all, but with a little work, your size CAN be perfect & you CAN be comfortable in your own skin, no matter if you are a size 2 or a size 22, smile, put on a beautiful outfit, rockin' heels, some jewelry to accessorize, be confident & you will be happier than you have ever been in your life, PROMISE.

 Plus Sized Wishes & Chanel Dreams...

Fashionista Friday #1.

This will be the first installment of "Fashionista Friday." This is going to be what I blog about every Friday. It is basically going to be my review, or take on all things beauty. Since this is the first blog dedicated to this subject, I am going to just talk about my favorite everyday products. This is going to include hair, makeup, skin care, you name it!!! Here we go!!

These 3 items are my FAVORITE MAC items!

The first item, "Shadowy Lady" is a veluxe eyeshadow, which means it is silky & goes on SUPER smooth. It's an eggplant-ish color, but goes really well with browns and cream colors.

The next item is MAC fluidline, in black. This is a gel eyeliner, which is a whole lot better than liquid or pencil. I use this on the tight-line [the area right under your lashes] & the waterline [the area above your lower lashes.] It isn't "technically" waterproof, but on me, this stuff doesn't even budge! i LOVE it!!

The last MAC item i use daily, is "Brown Down" eyeshadow. It is just a matte eyeshadow in my favorite brown shade. For my daily eye look, i use this as my crease color. It works really well on my hazel eyes & it has lasted me for forever!

** MAC products can be somewhat expensive compared to drugstore brands, but believe me, they are TOTALLY worth the price! I have had my fluid line for about 9 months now, and I still have over half of the container full & I use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. So just keep that in mind, you truly get what you pay for.**

Since I got my hair cut into a short bob, I have gone through SO MUCH hairspray. I also have to straighten my hair daily, unlike throwing it up into the messy bun that used to be my signature, so I had to go and find a really great conditioner. These are the sprays I use DAILY. Call me crazy, but I use each one for a different reason. 

First off, That conditioner up there is heaven for your hair. Trust me when I say, it is a little bit more expensive than your "Suave" or "Tresemme" but it is wonderful! It smells kind of like tanning lotion, and leaves your hair super silky & shiny, without weighing it down at all.

The "teasing" hairspray is the Aqua Net. I know, you're thinking "That is SO old school!" Believe me, I thought the same thing, but, I have fallen in love with it! It smells terrible, yes, even unscented smells like crap, but it is so worth it for the results this spray gives you. I spray this on before I tease each and every section.

The "volume" hairspray is the Aussie. This one, unlike the Aqua Net, smells amazing. It also has amazing hold, and so I use this one to "bump" up my look just a little bit more. This stuff is like 3 bucks a bottle and really lasts all day long.

The "finishing" hairspray is the Salon Grafix. I came by this spray when I ran out of my Aqua Net. I found mine at Walgreens for about 6 bucks. Normally, I would not spend that much on a hairspray, but I have come to love this one as well. It hold every hair in it's place without feeling to "scrunchy."

These last few hair care products are not all daily use, but things I use to maintain my hair. 

The first item is obviously my straightener. A lot of my friends used this one before I got it. I used my friend, Emily's & realized my straightener just wasn't cutting it, so I went out and bought one of my own & swear by this one now.

The second is the new Tresemme dry shampoo for straight hair. Ok, ladies, we ALL know the tricks to keeping your hairstyle for more than a day. You take so long to straighten it, and you just want to keep it that way an extra day. Well, this stuff is a miracle! It's the same principle behind the "baby powder trick" --- if you don't know what that is, then this product is probably NOT for you :]. You just shake, spray it on your roots & comb it out. It seriously works instantly & smells good too!! [p.s. it doesn't leave a white residue like baby powder does.]

Lastly for the hair care products, is my Revlon hair color. Yes, I color my hair from a box. Yes, I have had my hair colored in a salon. No, I am not willing to pay $85 for one all over color, that I can do all by myself. This is seriously only $4. I know, for a lot of people this doesn't work. If you need to cover grays, not for you. If you just want to try something new & don't need alot of frills, this is the one for you. I have used this brand for about 4 years now & I have NEVER had a problem with it. PLUS-- it's ammonia free so it is really easy on the nostrils.

Ok, I know you're ready for this to be over with, but I promise these are the last few "daily faves." 

One of my favorite perfumes is "Juicy Couture." At first sniff, it smells a bit like an old lady, but once you spray it on, your body chemicals make it take on a while new smell. I just feel so much more.... classy? when I wear this stuff. It's awesome.

Spearmint chap-stick. Seriously, screw paying $5 for some stupid chap-stick! This stuff is my holy grail for lips! It smells so good, and it's only like 98 cents! It is hard to find, but when I do find it, I stock up. It is silky smooth & makes your lips feel divine.

PLUS WHITE!!! I do not claim to have good teeth by any stretch of the imagination, but I am picky about them. I use floss picks, whitening mouth wash, whitening toothpaste, etc.. I was watching a review by Kandee Johnson, an amazing makeup artist, & she talked about how she gets her teeth so white. I figured she was going to describe some sort of professional whitening system given to her by her dentist. She then held up her box of Plus White. I was intrigued & went & bought some of my very own. You can get it at any Walgreens for about 11 bucks. I only use this when I feel like my teeth are getting a bit "dingy." Then I can go for about a month without using it. I highly recommend this stuff if you have been looking for something to whiten your teeth & don't want to spend the $40 for whitestrips or anything.

L'oreal Collagen mascara. I love love love this stuff!! The waterproof version is the best. It has a much better quality than Lash Blast. This mascara doesn't really clump up or flake. It lengthens & volumizes. This gets an A+++ in my book! 

I have a complete arsenal of Bath & Body Works products. One scent truly stands out above the rest, though. Around this time last year, they came out with a new scent that they released in the Fall, called "Twilight Woods." I generally don't like "perfumy" scents, like this one, but something about it is so enticing! If I had to describe it, I would say it is like a warm fire burning in your living room, while you bake sugar cookies and snuggle up in a warm blanket. Seriously, it's THAT good!!! [& that is exactly the reason I bought the entire collection.]

Seriously, the last item, and probably the most important, is Chi Straight Guard. I use this before I begin blow drying my hair. You only need a dime sized amount, so it lasts a long time. It is really important to me to not have too much damage to my hair. Given the straightening, coloring & teasing, I use this EVERY TIME I blow dry &/or straighten my hair just to keep my hair silky smooth & shiny.

I really hope you have enjoyed reading about all of my daily favorite products & I hope these "Fashionista Fridays" really become popular!!! 

Peace, Love & NO Hair Grease.

I Want A Hippo... Christmas List!

Ok, I don't know about YOU, but my family gets in the Christmas spirit super early!! My Nana already has most of her shopping AND WRAPPING done... it is only September 23! Christmas is only about 3 months away!! I have no ideas, nor have I done anything interesting to blog about, so I figured I would show you guys what I'm hoping to get for Christmas. This is probably going to be a longer blog, since i generally just tell everyone a TON of things to get me so they can surprise me... HERE WE GO!

White iPhone 3Gs.

Right now, my family has Cellular South, but at the beginning of the year, we are switching to ATT & though I am not really a HUGE fan of the iPhone, I am going to give it a shot.

Vera Bradley pleated tote in: Baroque.

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this new pattern!!! 

Some of MAC's new Venomous Villains collection.

I saw a review on this on YouTube... I cannot wait for it to come out on September 30th. The packaging is WAY cute & the colors are to die for!

Juicy Couture perfume.

At first, I HATED this scent... but over time I fell in love with it. I lost the bottle i got last year for Christmas, so I am PRAYING that Nana-clause will get me a new bottle this year. :]

Two candles from Candles By Victoria.

One in Viva La Juicy & one in Cookies For Santa.

This website---> www.candlesbyvictoria.com has the most AMAZING candles in the world!! They are triple scented & every scent smells exactly what her descriptions say they smell like. She does dupes for Bath & Body works, perfume scents & she even has house blended scents. I would recommend these over any other candle shop OUT THERE!

 

Those 2 shirts from www.RinaWear.com

My family is all from St.Louis, so needless to say we are die hard Cards fans! I am in love with Yadier Molina! [He is the catcher for the Cardinals]  Oh, & mom, I want the anvil baseball shirt for one, and a regular red t-shirt for that other thanks! :]

Tiffany's bracelet.

I love Tiffany & Co. I got a ring last year, I really like this bracelet.. length 7.5. :]

Or these <3

Well, I need to get to cleaning my room... It is a DISASTER & I can't stand to look at it anymore, & going to catch up on Jersey Shore. Hope you enjoyed seeing the things I hope to get for Christmas, lol. Blog ya later!

If You Really Knew Me...

I come from the generation of music videos & Facebook. But lately MTV has been showing alot more reality shows. One, in particular, "If You Really Knew Me" has really struck a chord with alot of friends as well as myself. I am NOT the first person to cry, but everytime that show comes on, I cry my eyes out because it truly gives everyone on there a unique, yet uniform appearance. It makes us all seem "human." What I mean by that is, it breaks down every wall everyone has ever built up & forces them to reveal their true selves & not who every one sees them as. So, here goes nothing...

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME...

You would know that I hated Memphis when I first moved here, but after making such awesome relationships here, I have come to realize that it really isn't THAT bad.

You would know that I am TERRIFIED of growing up. Why is it that everyone wants to grow up before they hit 18, but after that we are all BEGGING to be young again. I would give anything to be that little girl, running through Nana & Papa's sprinkler again, without a care in the world.

You would know that when I don't cry, or show alot of emotion, it's not because I am trying to be "tough" or "hard" it's just that I am not built that way. I feel like God chose for me to only cry for serious situations. I don't really know how to word what I mean, but I hope you understand what I mean. There are certain situations where I cannot hold myself together. Funerals, military losses, when something AMAZING happens to someone who is out on their luck. Or just when I am having an emotional day. Don't take it as an insult, just try to understand.

You would know that I dont mind being single, but I would love to be with someone. I am 20 years old & I feel like a failure because I am not in school right now & it feels like everyone around me is moving, while I am standing absolutely still.

You would know that I judge you by your clothes. 

You would know that I am NEVER going to be a size 2... & I'm ok with that... I also feel like I would be so much more happy if somebody would fall in love with me the way that I am now. I refuse to lose weight for a guy. That is just absolutely absurd.

You would know that I have confidence. Inside & out. Granted, I do have some securities, but not about my weight... I have fat, It's not like you can't SEE that I'm thick, so why should I be ashamed of it??

You would know that I HATED-- HATED-- HATED Easthill Baptist Church when we first started attending. I hated the gossip, I hated the people. I just had a very hard heart about the entire situation.

You would know that I have absolutely & positively fallen in LOVE with the people of my church. I look forward to attending church now. I look forward to sharing praises with my Sunday school class. I love my Sunday school class.

You would know that I hate my father, not for what he did to me, but what he did to my mother. He is a low life. Do not feel sorry for me, feel sorry for him, because he is the one who will NEVER get to walk his little girl down the aisle, or hold his grandchildren in his arms one day, and someone else has taken his place. You would also know that as a Christian, I know it is my duty to forgive, but I cannot forgive him for what he did. EVER. And I won't ever forgive him. End of story.

You would know that I am so thankful to Emily, Allyssa, Tiffany, My mom, Mrs.Rachael, Mrs. Sheila, Lauren, & many more for being there when I needed someone to talk to, or to laugh with, or to just vent my frustrations to. Thank you guys for ALWAYS being there, no matter the time of day or the day of the week. You are all amazing.

My "If You Really Knew Me" was a little bit different from the t.v. show, in that I dont really have to deal with a whole lot of issues, nor have I ever. I am a strong person & things really & truly don't get to me alot of times. But, I do have problems, I do have things I put on a front about, everybody does. The truth is, we all have things we need to get off of our chests. We all have things we hide. What would people see if they REALLY got to know you?

As I sit here, at 1:40 in the morning, unable to sleep for the first time in forever, I am looking at everybody's Facebook pages & pictures and my mind is restless. I cannot help but think everyone is passing me by & I am completely & utterly standing still. So many things are running through my mind right now. 

-- Am I a failure because I took a little time off from school? 

-- Should I be more worried about not being with someone? 

-- Should I really be wasting all of my time working my life away at a terrible job that I absolutely cannot stand? 

-- Should I quit? 

-- Is my Premier Designs business going to keep flourishing? 

-- Should I have stayed in El Paso longer? 

-- Should I just get my teaching degree instead of going to cosmetology school?

-- Why is EVERYONE getting married &/or having kids?

-- Am I wrong for not WANTING to do that stuff right now?

I am literally DREADING going to work at 11 tomorrow. That may sound lazy, but really, working with food is not getting me ANYWHERE. I have to deal with people's orders & they do not like it when I THEY are wrong. It frustrates me to no end! I am determined to find a new job. I HAVE to put applications in everywhere. I just feel like working at Sonic for 4 years+ is PLENTY. It's time for me to move on. Even if i have to deal with people in retail, I feel like it would be tons better than working at Sonic. Then again, I may just be a naive 20 year old who doesn't know what she is talking about. I feel so lost right now, like I have nobody to turn to to talk to about this stuff, because everybody has a different opinion. It really has come down to what my heart is telling me to do. I pray that I will get peace about this before I actually do it. Sonic is my first legit job & it is so hard for me to leave it behind ( I know how retarded that sounds, but it's true.) I guess I will blog some more tomorrow... Gotta get some rest for the good ole Sonic Drive-In tomorrow. :[

A is for Age: I'll be 21 next year. :]

B is for Body: More To Love.

C is for Career: Going Back To School.

D is for Dad's name: Mike.

E is for Essential items to bring to a party: Personality.

F is for Favorite song or music: Marchin' On- One Republic.

G is for Goof off thing to do: Probably Blogging :]

H is for Hometown: St.Charles Missouri.

I is for Instrument you play: Have Played The Clarinet.

J is for Jam or Jelly you like: Concord Grape.

K is for Kids: I Want A Few Eventually.

L is for Living arrangement: Parentals House.

M is for Mom's name: Camelya.

N is for Name of best friend: Emily Evans.

O is for Overnight Stay in a Hospital: Never.

P is for Phobias: Clowns.

Q is for Quote you like: I'd Rather Be Fat & Beautiful Than Skinny & Ugly... I Can Always Diet.

R is for Relationship that lasted longest: Austin [GAG]

S is for Siblings: 2 Brothers.

T is for Texas: SERIOUSLY, I JUST COPIED THIS FROM A RANDOM WEBSITE AS SOMETHING FUN TO FILL OUT & NOW I AM GOING TO TORTURE MYSELF ABOUT LEAVING EL PASO!!

U is for Unique trait: I Have The Ability To Make People Laugh.

V is for vegetable you love: BROCCOLI!!

W is for Worst traits: Being Loud & Blunt.

X- is for X-rays you've had: Chest. Head. Sinuses. Foot.

Y is for Your favorite color: Green--- Does ACU Camo Count As A Color, LOL.

Z is for Zodiac sign: Leo.

& So It Goes...

Air Assault Training :D

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
I cannot explain to you the amazing times I have had these past few weeks with Emily & Jackson Lee. Thinking about leaving tomorrow, it makes me really emotional for MULTIPLE reasons... one: I don't want to leave Emily- it is always bittersweet leaving a friend who means so much to you & really makes you a better person. two: I will probably never visit Fort Bliss again, and many people who are going to read this blog aren't going to understand the power that the military base has. It has a feeling unlike anything I have ever felt before. I do not want to leave at all. three: I don't want to leave Emily until Michael comes back home from recruiting school. I know she has Allyssa until Friday, but after that she is pretty much alone, with the exception of her awesome neighbor, Holly. I will really really really miss this place. For those of you who know me, you know that I am not a person to cry at all... tonight we listened to our "soldier song" [Marchin' On by One Republic] & all i could do was watch the city pass me by & cry my eyes out. This time it feels so much more emotional for me. I am literally going to be a weeping WRECK tomorrow when i have to leave Emily, Jack & Allyssa at the bottom of the stairs to security. Who will I :

• Stalk Facebook with?

• Sing & dance with in the car?

• Shop with?

• Lounge around with & have lazy days with?

•  Have our crazy conversations with? 

I guess at this point I can just look forward to visiting the Evans family in Kentucky... On a MUCH better note-- me, Emily & Allyssa all adopted a platoon & last night, I adopted a soldier [airman], he is SrA (E-4), on his 1st deployment, he is in Guam... more about our platoon-- we have been really wanting to help show our support, especially since E isn't going to live so close to a base anymore, so when I adopted my soldier, i just searched the internet & found a website where you can adopt an entire platoon... WOO WOO!!! We should know more about our platoon within the next few days. I will keep you updated about my soldier when I hear back from him. It's about 10:08 pm & we are all SO tired. I think we are about to head to bed for the night, I am going to post a few pictures from tonight, below. ENJOY & GOD BLESS.

Me & Allyssa

Chicken Cannelloni.

Somebody Has To Say It

A Random Rant About Everything:

• When you straighten your hair, don't forget the back.
• I don't feel you should tip if you feel your service was not good.
• Don't strive for perfection, strive for YOUR best.
• Fat girls do NOT belong in tight/short items of clothing.
• Your dark roots with your platinum blonde hair looks TRASHY.
• Don't start drama -- Won't be no drama.
• If your pants size is a SINGLE digit, I don't wanna hear about your body problems.
•  Obama sucks.
• Black girls-- blonde is not natural for you.
• Camo is a fashion item.
• It's not a "crick"... It's a creek.
• It's ok to break etiquette.
• It's ok to stretch the truth a little bit.
• It's ok to stalk your friends/enemies as long as it's on facebook.
• It's ok to not like sweet tea.
• Burping & Farting are natural occurances.
• I don't want to hear about your breakup unless you're one of the girls in my circle.

Have You Forgotten?

REAL HEROES WEAR ACUS & COMBAT BOOTS.

^Emily took this picture.

Where were you when the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 happened? I will NEVER forget that Tuesday morning. Me & my brother, Michael were getting ready to go to school and we were watching the news, like usual, when all of a sudden the newscasters interrupted their boring dialog about the weather & traffic reports to bring us breaking news. An airplane had hit one of the World Trade Center building in New York City. This was such a travesty in my little mind. I know me & my brother asked my mom a BILLION questions. Then, what seemed like only seconds later, a second plane hit into the other tower.  At this point, I am only 11 and my young mind cannot comprehend the words that came out of the mouth of the newscaster's mouth--"America is under attack." I remember my mom crying and just trying to answer our questions as well as she could. She only knew as much as the news was telling her. We went on to school and had to wonder what was going on at home while we were in school. I remember hearing the teachers talking amongst themselves about whether or not they terrorists would try to attack the St.Louis Arch next... The fear we all had, as middle schoolers, was obvious. So they all had us go to the gym and they talked to us about it. When I got home from school, I remember for the next three weeks, or it seemed like it anyway, that is all that was on the t.v. I always knew that THOUSANDS of people died in the buildings & the Penn. field, but i didn't realize exactly HOW many troops were being killed until a few years later. 

I am not sitting here claiming to know how it feels to be with somebody in the military. And I cannot sit here and tell you I know how it feels to have to keep my phone on my hip because my bf/husband/family member may call at anytime & may only have 2 minutes to talk. I can't sit here and tell you that I know what it's like to wonder if my significant other is alive or dead due to the fact that all communication in Iraq or Afghanistan has been blacked out. But I can tell you that I know it is taxing on both the spouse/family & the soldier. This year i have visited Fort Bliss countless times, I have witnessed the homecoming of my best friend's husband [one of the most beautiful things i have ever witnessed in my LIFE.] I have seen what these boys go through-- VOLUNTARILY. It breaks my heart that people don't stand behind our troops, especially since every man and woman who is fighting &/or has fought in OIF has enlisted them self. Sorry for that rant, just thought I would throw it in there :D.

Today, me, E, A & Jack-Jack went to Fort Bliss & took tons of pictures since we will probably never be able to visit this base again. We saw alot of military vehicles [humvees, trucks, tanks etc...] being transported, which generally means that somebody is getting ready to deploy :[. After witnessing taps again, [if you don't feel something when you see taps, there is something wrong with you.] we drove down to the Fort Bliss cemetery. We didn't see any graves from OIF, but we saw headstones engraved with every other war we have fought. The saddest part for me was seeing all of the flags that people had placed beside the headstones. To think that I was standing among true HEROES. I will never forget this day. Thank you, Emily for sharing your Army life with me. It will always be something I will remember & cherish as long as I live. :D

>>>THANK YOU, MICHAEL EVANS FOR BEING MY "BROTHER" & ONE OF MY HEROES.

Onto a few lighter notes...

Today we had quite a few funny things happen-- they are as follows;

• Allyssa had the door at the shopette held for her by a beautiful soldier & decided to open the other door for herself and walked right on through... I got voted to stay in the car with the baby-- REALLY? :[
•  Emily then couldn't get the gas to pump, which she had JUST teased me about, not even TWO days ago.
•  We had to go off post just for somEbody to go "shock n' awe" in her own bathroom-- PRINCESS.
• On the way back to Emily's apartment, I waved at the most beautiful soldier who was riding his harley down the highway, i got a triple take, and he even rode for a little while with his head turned around. 
• Me & Allyssa went to Walgreens, but here you have to go past it to get back to it-- thanks, El Paso for being quite the confusing city. 
• On the way TO Walgreens, i felt the need to press the button to ENTER the gate... you don't need to press the button when exiting.
• Allyssa got a towel out of Emily's bathroom to lay on her lap so she wouldn't make a mess... as soon as Emily said something to her about it and Allyssa said that she doesn't make messes, she set her arm directly into the plate of hotdog & chili-- NICE, A!
• Last but NOT least: Emily was stopped at a red light. The van next to us had a big stuffed white tiger in the back. She then proceeds to tell us that she had to look twice-- she thought it was real BAHAHA.

Well, I am gonna get ready for bed-- church in the morning. Good Night & God Bless.

 

These Colors May Fade But They NEVER Run.

All Have Gave Some- Some Have Gave ALL.

The Infamous Tiger.

Me & E.

Me & A.

[SOLDIERS-HEROES]