If You Really Knew Me...

I come from the generation of music videos & Facebook. But lately MTV has been showing alot more reality shows. One, in particular, "If You Really Knew Me" has really struck a chord with alot of friends as well as myself. I am NOT the first person to cry, but everytime that show comes on, I cry my eyes out because it truly gives everyone on there a unique, yet uniform appearance. It makes us all seem "human." What I mean by that is, it breaks down every wall everyone has ever built up & forces them to reveal their true selves & not who every one sees them as. So, here goes nothing...

IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME...

You would know that I hated Memphis when I first moved here, but after making such awesome relationships here, I have come to realize that it really isn't THAT bad.

You would know that I am TERRIFIED of growing up. Why is it that everyone wants to grow up before they hit 18, but after that we are all BEGGING to be young again. I would give anything to be that little girl, running through Nana & Papa's sprinkler again, without a care in the world.

You would know that when I don't cry, or show alot of emotion, it's not because I am trying to be "tough" or "hard" it's just that I am not built that way. I feel like God chose for me to only cry for serious situations. I don't really know how to word what I mean, but I hope you understand what I mean. There are certain situations where I cannot hold myself together. Funerals, military losses, when something AMAZING happens to someone who is out on their luck. Or just when I am having an emotional day. Don't take it as an insult, just try to understand.

You would know that I dont mind being single, but I would love to be with someone. I am 20 years old & I feel like a failure because I am not in school right now & it feels like everyone around me is moving, while I am standing absolutely still.

You would know that I judge you by your clothes. 

You would know that I am NEVER going to be a size 2... & I'm ok with that... I also feel like I would be so much more happy if somebody would fall in love with me the way that I am now. I refuse to lose weight for a guy. That is just absolutely absurd.

You would know that I have confidence. Inside & out. Granted, I do have some securities, but not about my weight... I have fat, It's not like you can't SEE that I'm thick, so why should I be ashamed of it??

You would know that I HATED-- HATED-- HATED Easthill Baptist Church when we first started attending. I hated the gossip, I hated the people. I just had a very hard heart about the entire situation.

You would know that I have absolutely & positively fallen in LOVE with the people of my church. I look forward to attending church now. I look forward to sharing praises with my Sunday school class. I love my Sunday school class.

You would know that I hate my father, not for what he did to me, but what he did to my mother. He is a low life. Do not feel sorry for me, feel sorry for him, because he is the one who will NEVER get to walk his little girl down the aisle, or hold his grandchildren in his arms one day, and someone else has taken his place. You would also know that as a Christian, I know it is my duty to forgive, but I cannot forgive him for what he did. EVER. And I won't ever forgive him. End of story.

You would know that I am so thankful to Emily, Allyssa, Tiffany, My mom, Mrs.Rachael, Mrs. Sheila, Lauren, & many more for being there when I needed someone to talk to, or to laugh with, or to just vent my frustrations to. Thank you guys for ALWAYS being there, no matter the time of day or the day of the week. You are all amazing.

My "If You Really Knew Me" was a little bit different from the t.v. show, in that I dont really have to deal with a whole lot of issues, nor have I ever. I am a strong person & things really & truly don't get to me alot of times. But, I do have problems, I do have things I put on a front about, everybody does. The truth is, we all have things we need to get off of our chests. We all have things we hide. What would people see if they REALLY got to know you?